I'm not very happy today and i have to go Christmas shopping.So i am making a sad mix to help block out people today and any other stupid and annoying happy sounds of the holiday season. This is the first song of said mix. I'm sure to put, "Pictures of you" by The Cure as well because I'm that pathetic today.

Maybe i'll bring a flask with me filled with Whiskey?

I got dumped the other day. It was a total and complete surprise on my part. I didn’t see it coming and the initial shock of it all is still reverberating throughout my system. 

She doesn’t love me anymore.

           

It is as simple and complex as that. As fast as we started becoming a couple, it just ended the same way.            I’m pretty down about the whole situation. I mean, we weren’t fighting or having any problems.  Not like I wanted to have them, its just I thought we were both happy.  I’m still very much in love with her and to hear that she doesn’t feel the same way really felt like a sucker punch to the chest. Was I just blind to see any particular signs of her having any problems regarding our relationship? Did I do something recently that changed her feelings towards me?

She did say that she was thinking it over the last few days before the actual break up. The more I think about the reasons why and try to retrace the previous week, what it really comes down to is the simple truth of this:

She doesn’t love ME anymore

It must have been hard or rather I would like to believe it was a hard decision to end the relationship. I don’t hate her for what she wanted. I’m not angry with her. I’m just really sad of how it just ended like that.

ONE MONTH LATER:

I wrote above a month ago. I still feel like shit. I keep myself busy and I go off on little adventures just to feel like I’m not wasting any time wallowing with self-pity

I still miss her terribly, and I wonder about how she feels about the whole situation.

I don’t feel like writing in this shit anymore.

TWO MONTHS LATER:

I still feel like absolute garbage. I know I shouldn’t feel that it wasn’t my fault and that the time we had was all we had, but I feel like I could of tried harder or be a better boyfriend.

I just wished I had more time with us being US.

I’m still in love with her. It didn’t go away, it didn’t change, and yet I know it had to end. I can’t call her because it wouldn’t be fair to either of us if I can’t see/talk to her on a platonic level. I want to move on and I also miss her so fucking much. 

So I have that going on for me. And today is her Birthday. 

I'm done.