I'm not very happy today and i have to go Christmas shopping.So i am making a sad mix to help block out people today and any other stupid and annoying happy sounds of the holiday season. This is the first song of said mix. I'm sure to put, "Pictures of you" by The Cure as well because I'm that pathetic today.

Maybe i'll bring a flask with me filled with Whiskey?

I got dumped the other day. It was a total and complete surprise on my part. I didn’t see it coming and the initial shock of it all is still reverberating throughout my system. 

She doesn’t love me anymore.

           

It is as simple and complex as that. As fast as we started becoming a couple, it just ended the same way.            I’m pretty down about the whole situation. I mean, we weren’t fighting or having any problems.  Not like I wanted to have them, its just I thought we were both happy.  I’m still very much in love with her and to hear that she doesn’t feel the same way really felt like a sucker punch to the chest. Was I just blind to see any particular signs of her having any problems regarding our relationship? Did I do something recently that changed her feelings towards me?

She did say that she was thinking it over the last few days before the actual break up. The more I think about the reasons why and try to retrace the previous week, what it really comes down to is the simple truth of this:

She doesn’t love ME anymore

It must have been hard or rather I would like to believe it was a hard decision to end the relationship. I don’t hate her for what she wanted. I’m not angry with her. I’m just really sad of how it just ended like that.

ONE MONTH LATER:

I wrote above a month ago. I still feel like shit. I keep myself busy and I go off on little adventures just to feel like I’m not wasting any time wallowing with self-pity

I still miss her terribly, and I wonder about how she feels about the whole situation.

I don’t feel like writing in this shit anymore.

TWO MONTHS LATER:

I still feel like absolute garbage. I know I shouldn’t feel that it wasn’t my fault and that the time we had was all we had, but I feel like I could of tried harder or be a better boyfriend.

I just wished I had more time with us being US.

I’m still in love with her. It didn’t go away, it didn’t change, and yet I know it had to end. I can’t call her because it wouldn’t be fair to either of us if I can’t see/talk to her on a platonic level. I want to move on and I also miss her so fucking much. 

So I have that going on for me. And today is her Birthday. 

I'm done.

Lola

Its about 1am right now. I'm at the hospice where my grandmother is at. She's been heavily sedated and unconscious since this morning visit.

  Right now my brother and my uncle are at both ends of the bed side holding her hand and sleeping. My cousin is at the adjacent sofa passed out as well. I just left work and headed over here.

  I'm hurting all over knowing her time left here is pretty much at its last stretch. I've been having spurts of crying fits all day and its getting difficult trying to keep my composure.
She was diagnosed with cancer in the kidneys and another tumor was found pushing up against her lungs that was making it difficult to breathe. At her age of 82 surgery was an option she just didn't want.

  That was June.

  Since then she has been in and out of the hospital, her room at her house was converted into a facility that housed all the necessary equipment to help her breathe. With each passing day it pretty much ranged from okay to really bad. There have been family members with her at all times, just pretty much comforting her as much as anybody can.

  More family from all over have been coming in to say hello and just telling and showing the love. Its all been very touching to see that gesture from many people.

  Knowing that she has made an imprint on so many people lives makes me very happy.
Being here, watching her go through this time and feeling helpless has been really difficult.
I'm not ready to let her go, but its even harder to see her suffer.

  All I can do right now is sort out this whole process by writing this before I loose it again.
I remember feeling this way when my father passed. I was just a kid then and it wasn't fair. I wasn't finished having a father.

  I remember watching Lola and my mom both hurting and crying at my dads wake, that was really rough. I couldn't handle it then and it was even more difficult to express what I was feeling.
I've learned to not to sweat to small stuff and to really enjoy the time you have, because its never enough and it goes by fast.

  To really cherish the people around you and to express the joy they bring into your lives anyway you can. Sometimes just the smallest gesture is more then enough.
I also learned that we all make lasting imprints on so many people that we never really realize.

And whiskey. Drink it. It helps.
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Harvey Pekar Talks about Coventry

I just found out that Harvey Pekar died yesterday. I took him for granted when it comes to comics. I just went about it that he was going to be doing his thing for a long time within the comic scene, and he has, its just I thought he would be doing it longer. I havent read allot of his stuff beyond a few stories in ,"american Splendor" but I always did admired what he did. With Vertigo printing out his work now, I hope he will be able to reach a new generation of comic readers.

R.I.P you grumpy old goat. Thanks for the stories.

Here is a live stream of of the Oil leak at the Gulf coast. It sickens me it has been going on for this long. What is it now? as of today 50+ days. I heard that The president said last night that the oil leak will be 90% contanied whithin two weeks; BP will also be accounted for about&nbsp 20 billion dollars as well.

Record Store Day!

RECORD STORE DAY!!! Here are a few gems i found at my local record store.

I was just drawn to this one. When i was a kid i was really excited whenever Conan the Destroyer was on TV.

"Hey I'm the Skaggs man! I love leisure suits, mousse, riding my skee-doo on my personal man made lake and scoring with the ladies!!! ohhhhh yeahhhhhhhhh!!"

of Course you did! You look like Walt Disney you pervy pedio!

JUST LET YOUR SOUL GLOW AND LET IT SHINE ON THROUGHHHH!!!

Oh Peter Allen! He looks like the evil James Taylor.

#3

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#2

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100 Pint Guiness Challenge #1

So I embark on a 100 pint Guinness journey.

What do i get when i reach 100? well, a name that goes on a plaque on the wall. Sounds enticing, I know right? But I'll do it just see how long it actually takes. I don't really like Guinness all too much either. Its rather heavy. A full meal in a glass. Can't see myself really getting hammered off the stuff, just one glass gets me all full.

When it comes down to beer drinking I'll be the first to say that i'm a wuss at it. Never really enjoyed trying to get drunk off the stuff. I enjoy beer don't get me wrong.Its just i was never the one to actually like pounding beer after beer. 3-5 tops is my limit.



Heres what i found about some Facts about Guiness on



Guinness Beer Facts
Contributor
By Jan DeVille, eHow Contributing Writer


Guinness beer is an Irish dry stout, brewed for over 200 years and enjoyed worldwide. The distinctive burnt flavor and heavy consistency are enjoyed from America to Africa and everywhere in between. Over the years, Guinness has grown from a small-town brewing operation to a publicly traded company that annually brings in two billion dollars from Ireland alone. It is brewed in more than 150 countries around the world, and about ten million pints are sold every day.


History
The history of Guinness Beer begins with a man named Arthur Guinness, who was left 100 pounds by his godfather, the Archbishop Price, in 1752. He used this money to found a brewery near Dublin. The lease that he signed on his property was for 9,000 years at only 45 pounds per year. In 1769, Guinness exported beer to England for the first time. The company began to expand rapidly, even after Arthur's death in 1803. Since then, the Guinness company has continued to grow and expand, and they celebrated their 250th anniversary in 2009.


Composition
Isinglass finings from the air bladders of fish aren't exactly the first ingredients that come to mind when you think of beer, but they are what is used to treat Guinness. Other ingredients include barley, water, malt, hops and yeast. Some of the barley is roasted to give the beer its dark brown color. Nitrogen and carbon dioxide can also be found in the makeup of Guinness, and these help to create the thick foam that occurs when the beer is poured correctly.

Pouring a Pint
Pouring the perfect glass of Guinness draught is akin to a religious experience for some purists. The technique is known as the "double pour." A twenty-ounce tulip pint glass is preferred, and it should be held at a precise 45-degree angle under the tap. The glass is then filled three-quarters full, and left to settle. If you've done it correctly, a thick head of foam should be forming. Once it's fully settled, top off the glass, and if you've done it right, you'll have a picture-perfect glass of Guinness.

Advertising/Merchandising
The main logo of the Guinness company features the harp of Brian Boru--a traditional Irish symbol since the 1300s. The company has created innovative ad content for years, though it no longer stands by its advertisements from the 1930s, which touted the benefits of a daily beer. Recent ad campaigns have won prestigious awards, including the 2001 Clio award for Advertiser of the Year.

Health Benefits
While the advertising campaigns of the 1930s and 1940s touted health benefits that Guinness no longer stands by, surprising evidence has surfaced in recent years that may give some validity to the claims. A study at the University of Wisconsin revealed that a daily pint of Guinness may be as effective as a daily aspirin in the prevention of heart-attack-inducing blood clots. However, the main reason for this may be the alcohol content as opposed to the beer itself.

Happy Valentines Day!