Hey Yo! Look at my striped shirt dammit!!

I just got back from Machaheys in Centereech to celebrate Homeboy Pete's birthday, and let me just say to the ladies out there, what the fuck do you see in these plethora of clones of guys at these club/bar scene? I swear do all these guys get up in the morning and gel their hair up like a fucking anime character and believe that it looks good? Whats worst is that they also put on their best striped shirt like its a prerequisite with the hair. A fucking clone army of Guido stupidity. If they act thuggish too, well then, that's just the icing on  the fucking cake. First of all, how urban can you possibly be if when we go outside at night we both hear the same sounds of the crickets chirping . Is it really that hard living in your white neighborhood? From the immortal words of Dennis Leary "Pick up your pants!". Never got that hip-hop culture the mentality that acting like retarded black child on acid is hip. Don't get me wrong i like SOME rap, Nas, The roots,Biggie, the old school shit really. But i digress.


Right now I'm just focusing on the Guidos i have seen tonight. Is that what i have to result to actually meeting some girl at a club/bar
bringing myself down to that level i can only imagine the conversations i would have.

"Hey YO! look at my striped shirt! FUCKING LOOK AT IT YO!"
"AWWWW yeah baby you looking gooooooooood!"
"Fuck yeah baby girl i do look good! Yow want be my shorty?"
"You gonna be my sugar daddy?"
"Hells yeah! i like liked you since like......forever".
"Forever ever ever?"
"Forever ever ever ever girl!"

That is the way at least i see it going down. AHHHHHHHHH! GOD!!! i hate living on Long Island sometimes.

Have it Your Way Burger Bitch.

Due to a nights worth of punishing my liver with an obscene amounts of scotch and beer, I felt like battery acid waking up this morning.Grudgingly getting myself ready for work my stomach started to grumble very loud and oddly in a upbeat tempo that would make a decent audition piece for the Transiberian Orchestra. 

Perhaps it was arguing with my liver?

 So i decided to go to Burger King for lunch. Waiting on line i can already see the cashier being in a real pissy mood. She could of been no more than twenty years old and with a face that just screams out BITCH!. While i was waiting on line my friend Homeboy Pete comes walking in for his lunch break. I go up and order two whooper Jr's, medium sized Onion rings, four piece chicken tenders, and a small fountain drink.

 "is that it?" she said with this tone that sounded like,"Anything else you would like to send down that pie hole of yours fatass?".

 " Yes that would be all" i said with a tone that hopefully sounded like,"Yeah you Burger Bitch thats what i want!"

    Homeboy Pete comes up next to order while i wait for mine and asks for a Triple Cheeseburger.

 " i have to get a manager" she said.

 Homeboy Pete and i look at each other in confused look over why she had to bring management into this for a fucking burger. She then asks the manager on how to make a Triple cheeseburger, overhearing this i blatantly state to both of them

 " three patties and cheese! it's not that hard". 

  They give me this look of disgust and go about their burger duties. Homeboy Pete hardly containing himself from a fit of laughter and i now wait. When my order was done, she just plops my bag of food on the counter, and the way she did it just triggered this pent up anger and i say to her,

"Your just a giant fucking ray of sunshine, you know that?"

  Without skipping a beat she tells me to "go fuck yourself". So i Said, 

"OH! I will, and when I'm violently masturbating later i will be thinking of you!".

With that she had this look that was so priceless that while driving to work and eating that burger, it never tasted so sweet.

I Fucking hate Burger King.